Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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