im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
