i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
