watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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