the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
