Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
