She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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