Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.