He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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