I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.