i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire