not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.