yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
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She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.