where am i from again
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
