I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want a musical about memes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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