it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
