You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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