She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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