Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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