you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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