I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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