I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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