When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
