You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
