Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
love makes seman taste better
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't put those talents on a resume
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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