when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
