I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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