i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
