dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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