Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
