He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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