I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
