I must be too annoying 4 u.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
