i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize