Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
