Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
