i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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