Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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