I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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