where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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