allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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