Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
