this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
