After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
