After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
