kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
