I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
