Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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