i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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