I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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