note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
