to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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