direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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