Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
