sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
