Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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