Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
