i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
