hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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