we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
