well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You can't motorboat a personality
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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