Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
