That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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