Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
