I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
