Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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