Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
