no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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