My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
