I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
