it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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