i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
