my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
