Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
