so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
