i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
